Friday, September 03, 2004
No More Lemon Slices Ever!!!
Let me begin by saying that I am a cell phone owner. Unlike many cell owners, I do not carry mine 24/7. Unless I am out alone at night or in a situation where it is imperative that I am accessible (i.e. a friend or relative is ready to give birth, Grandpa is having surgery, John Cusak told me he’d call to confirm plans for our date tonight, etc.), I leave the cell at home. So while I appreciate and utilize the technology, I do not abuse nor am addicted to it.
That being said, I am ready to snark on the idiocy of a cell phone user.
Waiting for a South-bound 28 at Hennepin & 5th early this afternoon, I observed a man talking on his cell phone. A rather portly, middle-aged man. Slightly rumpled in appearance; baggy Levis barely holding on underneath his protruding belly, camp shirt in desperate need of a good ironing, wearing Chester the Molester square-lenses wire-rimmed glasses. He made several calls, all seemingly pointless (“Hi, how’reya doing? Just called to say hi. Blah blah blah.”) except to prove that he’s cool. Why? Because he owns a cell phone. And has apparently missed the memo informing him that pretty much everyone else does too.
Our cell phone chatting friend boarded the bus a few passengers behind me still nannering on with his cool-proving conversation. Upon boarding the bus, he immediately raised his voice in the way that so many annoying public-transit riding cell users do. I will now recount for you the one-sided conversation my fellow bus riders and I were prisoner to hearing:
“Mom, if I did something wrong, I apologize. I never meant to get you in trouble.”
Slight pause.
“But Mom, I told her I DID NOT WANT LEMONS IN MY ICED TEA!”
Another slight pause.
“Mom, I never told said to her ‘Don’t put any Goddamn lemons in my iced tea!!!!’ I asked her to please not put lemons in my iced tea.
Yet another slight pause after which Mr. Cellphone pleaded with a catch in his voice.
“But she brought me iced tea with a lemon slice in it!”
At this point, the older woman across the aisle from me turned around and yelled “Will you shut up!!!! Nobody wants to hear about your silly life!”
Totally awesome.
That being said, I am ready to snark on the idiocy of a cell phone user.
Waiting for a South-bound 28 at Hennepin & 5th early this afternoon, I observed a man talking on his cell phone. A rather portly, middle-aged man. Slightly rumpled in appearance; baggy Levis barely holding on underneath his protruding belly, camp shirt in desperate need of a good ironing, wearing Chester the Molester square-lenses wire-rimmed glasses. He made several calls, all seemingly pointless (“Hi, how’reya doing? Just called to say hi. Blah blah blah.”) except to prove that he’s cool. Why? Because he owns a cell phone. And has apparently missed the memo informing him that pretty much everyone else does too.
Our cell phone chatting friend boarded the bus a few passengers behind me still nannering on with his cool-proving conversation. Upon boarding the bus, he immediately raised his voice in the way that so many annoying public-transit riding cell users do. I will now recount for you the one-sided conversation my fellow bus riders and I were prisoner to hearing:
“Mom, if I did something wrong, I apologize. I never meant to get you in trouble.”
Slight pause.
“But Mom, I told her I DID NOT WANT LEMONS IN MY ICED TEA!”
Another slight pause.
“Mom, I never told said to her ‘Don’t put any Goddamn lemons in my iced tea!!!!’ I asked her to please not put lemons in my iced tea.
Yet another slight pause after which Mr. Cellphone pleaded with a catch in his voice.
“But she brought me iced tea with a lemon slice in it!”
At this point, the older woman across the aisle from me turned around and yelled “Will you shut up!!!! Nobody wants to hear about your silly life!”
Totally awesome.
// posted by Shelby Gelato @ 9:42 PM 
